Part III Lost in the Dark
by Angel Brown
Summary: Valiant Ronet has joined Voldemort at his side and yet remains a part of the Order. Follow her journey as she returns to Hogwarts. What will become of her relationship with Remus? What will be asked of her? Part III of the Venus Series. Takes place during Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
1. Chapter 1

All bold text belongs to J.K. Rowling and strictly to J.K. Rowling, I own nothing of the Harry potter World.

A/N: And so we start Part III, I hope and beg that you are not mad at me. And I hope you guys will stay with Valiant on her journey, enjoy!

-Angel Brown

Part III Lost in the Dark

Chapter 1 The Concealing Trinket

I'm to return to Hogwarts per Tom and Dumbledore's instruction. I haven't spoken to anyone in the Order for quite some time. In fact, I've been lying low and focusing on getting the twins to a safer location like Dumbledore had offered. My parents quit their jobs at the Ministry, after the Minister of Magic named Dumbledore and Harry liars; they no longer trust the Ministry. They emptied their vaults at Gringotts, packed up the house, and are moving to somewhere I am not allowed to know just in case Tom tries to look in my mind. They are taking the twins with them, so I won't be able to see them for quite some time. Alex promised he'll check in on them for me while I'm… busy.

"Promise you'll be careful?" my mum says. Her name is Eliza Ronet; she's artistic and quite wonderful. She was never much of a mother figure but more of a friend. She helped me when the memories started coming back. She notified Dumbledore, she held me when I cried and laughed with me when I remembered the good times. I trust her more than anyone with my babies and technically she is their grandmother.

"Of course," I say to her.

"Visit when you can," my dad says. His name is Rudolpho Ronet. I grew up with him protecting me, always protecting me. I trust him as well.

"I will," I say. "If Dumbledore ever tells me where you are."

"He will," he says. "When the time comes, he'll tell you."

I smile at him and then I give Valentine one last hug, kiss him, and hand him back to my dad. I hold onto Violette, kiss her, and hand her to my mum. They both step into the floo and disappear. I turn around to where Alex stands against the door frame to the kitchen. He has a pitiful look on his face but he smiles.

"So when do you go see him?" he asks. I frown and walk past him into the kitchen. I clear the table where moments before we all had been eating breakfast.

"Later on this evening," I say. Alex walks over to me and gives me a bear hug.

"I wish I could just take all the pain away," he whispers into my ear. I smile rub his arm and push him away.

"You know that I have to do this, I have no choice," I say, annoyance clear in my voice.

"I know," he says. I throw the dishes into the sink and sigh, gripping the counter.

"When I was Vilat, I gave up Remus, I gave up Sirius, I gave my life to that man. I gave him a son. And now I have to give up the one man I truly love to pretend to love another. I have to give up my children because they won't even be safe with their own mother. And once again I'm giving my life to a monster because fate is not kind. I have to do this, I have no choice. I can't turn my back on this. Even if I want to, I can't give up. Giving up means dying and losing everyone I love," I say looking out the window. I can hear Alex sigh.

"I wasn't going to give this to you but since you said that I think our mother would've wanted you to have it. She did intend for you to inherit it. I held onto it but it may come in handy," Alex says. I turn to look at him. He's holding out a necklace, it's a black diamond, about two inches in length and an inch in diameter.

"What is it?" I ask. Alex smiles and hands it to me. I look at it in awe. It's beautiful but big.

"A concealing trinket," he says. I look at him in confusion. "Mother made it; you use the spell, _celare_, to hide things in it. Even people. They get transported into the diamond, it's hard to explain. When we used to play hide and seek I asked her to hide me in it once and she did. It was a dark room with a bunch of objects in it, mother told me not to touch anything. She emptied it before she died. Said she wanted you to have it."

"Why me?" I ask. Alex shrugs his shoulders.

"She said there will come a time when you will need it," he says. "You use the spell, _revelare_, to take things out." I put the necklace around my neck.

"It's heavy," I say. Alex nods his head.

"Don't lose it," he says.

"I won't."

. . .

"Are you ready to go back?" Tom asks. I nod my head.

"Yes, my Lord," I say. He lifts my chin to look at him. I give him a smile.

"You look lovely today," he says.

"Thank you, my Lord," I say. It's been a few months and already Tom has been increasing his numbers, even some in the Ministry itself. He's sent people to talk to the Giants, the wolves, and is planning a break in of Azkaban. The Order has sent Hagrid and Olympe to the Giants, even asked Remus to see if he can persuade some of the werewolves. Immediately after Barty Crouch Jr. was discovered, Dumbledore sent out Sirius to alert Remus and the others. This I know because Dumbledore told me himself. He said it's going to take some persuasion to persuade the Order that I am really on their side. I don't blame them. I'm known as Voldemort's whore, I wouldn't trust me either. All this makes me sick to my stomach. If I had it my way I'd be at home with my babies and preferably with Remus at my side but no. I sit here, next to Tom.

"You have located the whereabouts of Valarius?" he asks me. I nod my head. Dumbledore and I have asked Valarius if he'd be willing to come back, to be a part of the Order and be a spy like me. Valarius thought it through and has agreed, after all Tom wouldn't have given him a choice. He wants his heir. He wants everything to be as it were and it frightens me. After all I am stuck between two worlds.

. . .

A/N: And we start Part III! Please review!

-Angel Brown


	2. Chapter 2 Like a Phoenix

All bold text belongs to J.K. Rowling and strictly to J.K. Rowling, I own nothing of the Harry potter World.

A/N: And here is chapter 2!

-Angel Brown

Chapter 2 Like a Phoenix

**"Tonks told me how to find out," said Ginny. "You just chuck stuff at the door and if it can't make contact the door's been Imperturbed, I've been flicking Dungbombs at it from the top of the stairs and they just soar away from it, so there's no way the Extendable Ears will be able to get under the gap."**

** Fred heaved a deep sigh. "Shame, I really fancied finding out what old Snape's been up to."**

** "Snape?" said Harry quickly. "Is he here?"**

** "Yeah," said George, carefully closing the door and sitting down on one of the beds; Fred and Ginny followed. "Giving a report. Top secret. **He arrived here with Valiant so we assume she's a part of the Order."

"Valiant? Valiant Ronet? But I saw her with Voldemort," everybody flinched at the mention of his name but Harry was adamant. He had seen the way she bent to his every will. She couldn't be trusted, could she?

"Well, it's not like they'll tell us anything," said George.

…

It took some convincing but as soon as everyone realized Remus and Sirius were on my side, they didn't argue. I was a bit apprehensive when Snape told me Dumbledore wanted me at the meeting. For a moment I had forgotten I was working for both sides. These days I've been attached at the hip with Tom. I could feel myself spiraling down into a dark hole, afraid that I wouldn't get out once it had taken root. The depression was coming back full force without Remus, and I didn't have any pills or potions to help it. Ever since Leon had gone all Death Eater, I haven't been able to talk to him properly but he could pose as more of a threat than we know. He's useful with potions and bloody brilliant. Who knows what could be in that journal. It wasn't easy seeing Remus again but I've been trying to avoid seeing him. I don't want to talk about it; I don't want to see him make excuses again. I have my reasons for giving up and so does he. But the fact that I love him is still there, lingering. Alex arrived earlier than I did but then again I came with Severus. Tom is at the manor, plotting and planning, he wouldn't miss me. Besides this is the only time I can get out before I have to head back to Hogwarts.

"So how is he?" someone says. I look up only to see the eyes of everyone in the room looking at me. I frown.

"What?" I ask. Someone I don't know sighs.

"How is he?"

"You mean Tom?" I ask, she nods. I sigh and look at Alex apprehensively.

"At first, he wasn't entirely strong, but he grows stronger every day, every day he becomes more and more like he used to be," I say. Everyone starts talking at once and I look down at my lap once again unable to make eye contact with anyone, I don't want to.

"How do we know we can trust you?" someone asks. I look up and shrug my shoulders.

"You don't have a choice," I say. Dead silence fills the room. Sirius says something but I can't hear what he's saying, for I have made eye contact with Remus. We look at each other briefly and it's like electricity. I don't want to look away but I will myself to. I can't allow myself happiness, I can't do that.

…

As witches and wizards start leaving the house after the meeting is over, I cling to Alex. I haven't spoken to him in over a week. He gives me a brief hug and disappears within the crowd. My hand brushes against someone I look up to only see Remus. We stay like that for what feels like eternity but it's broken when Harry approaches me.

"I don't understand," he says. Before I can say anything:

**CRASH**

** "**_**Tonks**_**!" cried Mrs. Weasley exasperatedly, turning to look behind her.**

** "I'm sorry!" wailed **a younger looking witch, though older than me. I can't help but admire her stature and changing colored hair, the sign of a Metamorphmagus. **"It's that stupid umbrella stand, that's the second time I've tripped over – "**

As a result of the loud noise, Sirius' mother's portrait started screaming. Remus and Molly tried to pry the curtains closed again but it wouldn't budge. Than Sirius entered the room.

**"Shut up, you horrible old hag, shut UP!" he roared, seizing the curtain Mrs. Weasley had abandoned.**

** "I said – shut – UP!" **Sirius roared once again as his mother started screaming at him. Sirius turned around to talk to Harry and I disappeared in to the shadows. I looked around and noticed that both Alex and Severus were gone, leaving me alone in a house with one of my best friends, a boy who believes I am loyal to the Dark Lord, and a man I have loved and lost again.

"We need to talk," Remus says into my ear. I turn to look at him, I back away from him and stumble against the furniture.

"There's nothing to talk about," I say. Remus frowns but his presence is needed in the dining room. I follow him into it and walk up to Molly. Ever since Sirius told her about my predicament she's been fairly kind to me. "Molly, I think I'll just floo home."

"Nonsense, you should stay and eat," she says but I look around the crowd of people still left over from the meeting, including the Metamorphmagus, Remus, Sirius, Mundungas, Shacklebolt, and various other members. I want nothing more than to escape and not have to face the lot. I've felt more comfortable around Tom and a room full of Death Eaters than I do here, it's like I don't belong and I don't like the feeling.

"I really have got to go, Molly…"

"Stay!" Sirius says from the end of the table. I look at him and then at Remus who is looking at me with an unreadable expression. I force a smile and sit down.

"Valiant, I still don't understand…"

"It's a long long story, Harry," I say quietly.

"You should tell us! I'm interested in your story as well!" the woman named Tonks said brightly. I look at her and smile, look down at my lap, and then at Sirius who is looking at me with a kind smile.

"Alright," I say. "Have you ever heard of reincarnation?" Harry nods. "I was born in 1947, I died at the age of ten due to accidental magic, bad accidental magic. Alex is my first real brother, yes he is that old, but he doesn't age. I was reincarnated in 1957; I was a part of the original Order of the Phoenix along with your parents, Harry. I was their friend. Some things happened, things I don't wish to discuss," I chance a glance at Remus, but he's listening tentatively like the rest of them. "I offered my services to Dumbledore. He gave me an objective, find out as much as I could about Voldemort," everyone flinches for a second, I go on. "I became as most call me, his whore," Sirius flinches, I ignore it. "I naturally die at the age of 25, due to some condition I have, doctors and healers haven't been able to figure out why. I died a little after Voldemort was temporarily defeated by you Harry. I was reborn in 1981, to my parents Eliza and Rudolpho Ronet. I naturally start having my memories given back to me at around the age of 8/9. And here I am. I look the same throughout every cycle of rebirth. So when I went after Peter Pettigrew, he saw me, and he recognized me. He told Tom that I am alive. And it's because of that, that I do what I do now which is serve him. But I am not loyal to him Harry," I say. There's dead silence, I push my hair back with my hand and sigh.

"Why do you call him Tom?" Tonks asks.

"Habit," I say.

"He allows you to call him Tom?" Remus asks. I don't look at him but at the table.

"He allows me to do a lot of things, that of which the Death Eaters aren't allowed," I say. Dead silence.

"Why don't you just kill him?" Harry asks. I pull down my shirt at the shoulder and show him my mark.

"When he gave me this, it prevents me from killing him, from trying any magic on him. It also bounds me to him, if he calls I must go," I say. Dead silence. Then I feel a familiar pull, I lurch forward and hold a hand to my mark. Everyone looks at me oddly. I frown and look at Molly. "Duty calls, Molly, sorry," I say as I stand to head for the floo.

…

"Where were you?" Tom asks. I smile at him and reach up to kiss him.

"I missed you too," I say. Tom can't help but smirk as I lie back on the bed. "I was just visiting my parents, getting things ready for when I go back to Hogwarts." I can feel him probe my mind but I've been taught how to hide things just like Severus. I smirk at him and he comes closer. He has the face of Tom on again but I know that, that isn't how he really looks. He's a monster in real life but around me he likes to pretend that things are the way they used to be. I let him think that way. After all, I am plotting against him behind his back. I, who he has given love, is betraying him. He reaches down to kiss me again, I deepen it, playing the part but am I really? I put my arms around his neck and bring him on top of me. I can feel his cold flesh on mine, but I don't mind. Anything to get _him_ out of my mind. He runs his hand down my side and across my exposed thigh; a shiver goes up my spine. I want this. I need this. I need to forget, just for a little while, that I ever loved Remus Lupin.

…

A/N: And I give you chapter 2. Please review! I love you guys

-Angel Brown


	3. Chapter 3 What Would Have Been

All bold text belongs to J.K. Rowling and strictly to J.K. Rowling, I own nothing of the Harry potter World.

A/N: And here is Chapter 3! Some Remus in this one

-Angel Brown

Chapter 3 What Would Have Been

"How are you?" he asks. I look at him from across the table. I've been at Alex's getting ready to head back to Hogwarts and Dumbledore just showed up. I made some tea.

"Okay," I say not really wanting to talk about how I've been.

"I want to thank you," he says. I look up at him from my tea.

"For what?" I ask.

"For all that you've done, you went back to Voldemort. You're a part of the Order again. You didn't disappoint me," he says. I smile.

"It's not like I really had a choice. Tom had a hold on me, I had to go to him whether I wanted to or not," I say, we stare at each other in complete silence. "I have children, Albus. I have a family and I'll be damned if I don't help protect them."

"I know, Valiant," he says. We both sigh. "They are safe, as I told you."

"I know, I never doubted you," I say. "Tom grows stronger but by the looks of the last meeting so is the Order. Tom doesn't suspect anything of me at least I don't think so."

"That's good," he says. We sit in uncomfortable silence when Alex comes into the room.

"What are you two talking about?" Alex asks sitting down. I smile and look at Dumbledore.

"About Tom," I say. Alex sighs.

"Ah," he says.

"Well, I'd better be going. Keep up the good working, both of you," he says. We can hear him floo in the other room, to where, I don't know.

"This came for you," Alex says handing me a letter. It's from my mum. I open it carefully as Alex starts digging in the fridge.

Valiant,

The babies are lovely and are just fine. We've arrived safely and everything is in order. Your father has gotten a muggle job, so that we can have some extra money to pay for essential household items. We're doing fine. The twins are progressing quickly and are learning quickly, they are very close to crawling. Hoping you are well.

Your Mother

I smile to myself and fold the letter back up.

"What did she say?"Alex says sitting down with a bowl of leftovers. I hand the letter to him and he reads it. "At least they're doing well."

"Yeah, I wish I was with them," I say looking at the letter again. I get up and head to the living room to get a piece of parchment and quill. I need to send a letter to someone… I sit back down in the kitchen and begin to write.

Remus,

I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I don't know what to say that would justify anything. I love you, plain and simple. But you know that we can't be together, not now… I just… I'm trying to understand why you would give up so easily… why you would be so willing to let me love another…why… I don't know what I'm saying. This is all my fault. Everything. I let all of this happen. I willingly went to someone else. I don't blame you, I try not to. I just want you to know that despite everything I do, utterly, love you.

Valiant Ronet

I fold the parchment up, put it in an envelope and head to go see Sing. Alex watches me from the corner of his eyes, I don't know if he saw who I wrote it to but I think he has a pretty good idea who. Sing snuggles into my neck before she takes off and I don't know what to feel. I don't blame him, I try not to. But he had a part in this too. He willingly let me go, just like I willingly left.

"Who did you send that to?" Alex asks as I come back into the kitchen. I frown and sigh, as I sit down.

"You know who," I say. Alex frowns and sips at his tea.

"You didn't have to give him up, you know," Alex says. I look at him and scoff.

"I'm spending my nights with a monster who could never ever truly love me. I gave up my babies. I can't be with a man when I know that I can't be faithful to him," I say. Alex looks at me with a pitiful look but I don't want to hear it or see it or anything.

"Look…"

"No, I don't want to look or hear what you have to say or what anyone has to say. I want to hear it from him," I say. Alex sips at his tea again and doesn't say another word and I know that I'm right.

…

Alex left to do what he has to do while I stay here in his flat, watching TV and waiting for _his_ reply. I'm anxious, I don't know what he's going to say or if he's even going to say anything. My mind starts to wander when Sing flies through the window and perches on the armrest next to me. I look at her and I can't help but smile because on her leg is a letter. I untie it from her leg quickly and open it.

Valiant,

Come by headquarters tomorrow morning at 5:30. We need to talk.

Remus

I look at the back of the parchment but there is nothing else and then I feel a sudden fear in the pit of my stomach. A part of me wants to hear what he has to say but the other part wants to avoid him at all costs like I've been trying to do. I sit back down on the couch as Sing flies back to my room. I stare at the TV and I don't know what to think or what to expect. Will he be mad? Will he be sorry?

…

I arrive at headquarters at five thirty in the morning; I remember Harry's hearing is today so that must be why Remus wanted me to come so early. I don't ring the doorbell as I remember Sirius saying that he didn't want anybody ringing the doorbell in case that his mother starts screaming again. I catch Molly in the hallway.

"Hello dear!" she says bringing me into a tight hug. I never fail to admire Molly; she's a great woman and mother… something I wish I could be. I smile and hug her back.

"Hello Molly," I say. She pats my back and leads me into the kitchen where Arthur, Sirius, Remus, and the woman Tonks are sitting. Remus sees me and instantly lifts his head as if to get a good look at me. Sirius brightens and stands.

"Valiant," he says bringing me into a hug. "Don't worry," he says into my ear and then winking at me. Remus must have been talking to him. I shake hands with Tonks who gives me a bright smile. I give Arthur a hug.

"What are you doing here?" he asks. I look at Remus.

"Um, I came to talk to Remus and to wish Harry luck," I say. Everyone nods and then silence. Molly sits down and I assume they're waiting for Harry. Remus stands and guides me into the drawing room. His hand on my back makes me want to squirm; I'm not used to it, not anymore. "Don't touch me," I say as we come into the room. Remus draws back his hand and closes the door.

"Sorry," he says gently. We stand there in the faint light of the room, not quite looking at each other but not quite looking away either. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," I say. He nods his head and gestures towards a chair.

"Will you sit down?" he asks. I shake my head and look at him, really look at him.

"I don't want to," I say. He nods his head and puts his hands in his pockets; he walks over to a window and looks out.

"I can tell you don't know what to say to me," he says. I nod my head vigorously as I watch him. I want nothing more than to run to him and have him hold me but I can't allow myself that.

"I don't know what to say. We… we've done things Remus, together, and we _know_ each other. We shouldn't be acting like this but we are," I say.

"I know what you mean. I feel like I don't know you and yet when I look into your eyes," he turns around to look at me, "I remember everything." I draw in a deep breath.

"I… I love you," I say uncertainly. Remus looks down at his feet.

"And I love you," he says coming closer to me. I want to draw back, I want to step away, but I can't. He's right in front of me now, he reaches down to kiss me and our lips touch. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him hungrily; he kisses back with just as much passion. He wraps his arms around my waist and brings me to him. This is love, this is passion. This isn't lust or want, this is need. This is everything compared to Tom, he is everything. I let out a low moan and a whine against his lips. I want to stay right here forever. And then I remember everything, I remember and draw away from him. He reaches for me again but I pull away from his touch.

"You let me go," I say in a soft whisper but I know he heard me for he freezes where he stands.

"Yes," he says quietly. I can feel tears at the corners of my eyes. I will not cry. I will not cry.

"Why?" I ask. He sighs and sits down in a chair.

"For the Order, for Harry. I know what it is that you must do. We all know what it is that you must do. I will never cease to love you but I know that right now I can't have you. But as soon as this is all over, I'll be yours and you'll be mine. I'll give everything I am to you," he says standing up and reaching for me but I draw away and the tears spill over.

"I love you so much," I say reaching for him, we kiss again, and I know he's right. When this is all over, when Tom is defeated, we can be together but right now it just can't be. It just can't be. "But what if, what if this isn't meant to be?"

"Nonsense," he says and kisses me again.

…

We both head downstairs and back into the kitchen he has me sit by him and we can't help but be intimate, we try not to be but it doesn't stop him from reaching under the table to hold my hand. I smile really smile, for the first time in what feels like days. Harry comes into the room looking utterly frightened and nervous. I want to reach over and give him a hug but I don't know what terms we are on now. Remus and the rest of them started talking but I wasn't listening to anything they were saying. I was looking at Harry.

"Try not to worry Harry, it'll all be alright," I whisper over the table at him. He looks up at me and gives me a slight smile.

"Thanks Val," he says. I smile back and draw my hand away from Remus. He looks at me briefly and continues to talk to Tonks. Molly watches the exchange in interest and I know she can't miss anything. She places a plate of toast and marmalade in front of Harry and offers me breakfast.

"Can you come and help me Valiant?" she says. I nod and stand up to walk over to where she stands cooking. "I saw that."

"Saw what?" I ask innocently. She smiles and looks back at Remus.

"Are you and Remus…?" she says. I can't help but smile.

"Kind of," I say. She smiles and nudges me in the ribs.

"He needs someone," she says faintly looking back at him.

"I don't know if I'm the right candidate, considering what it is that I do," I say. Molly looks at me and then frowns.

"That doesn't mean you don't deserve love too," she says. I give her a smile and look back at Remus. I'm just not sure if I deserve him, he definitely deserves better.

…

A/N: And so I give you some Remus love

-Angel Brown


	4. Chapter 4 Indifference

All bold text belongs to J.K. Rowling and strictly to J.K. Rowling, I own nothing of the Harry potter World.

A/N: Sorry for the long wait but between school and my illness I haven't had much time to write but I promise you that all fanfics will be updated between today and the next couple of days

-Angel Brown

Chapter 4 Indifference

**"Original Order of the Phoenix," growled Moody. "Found it last night when I was looking for my spare Invisibility Cloak, seeing as Podmore hasn't had the manners to return my best one. . . . Thought people might like to see it."**

** Harry took the photograph. A small crowd of people, some waving at him, others lifting their glasses, looked back up at him.**

** "There's me," said Moody unnecessarily, pointing at himself. The Moody in the picture was unmistakable, though his hair was slightly less gray and his nose was intact. "And there's Dumbledore beside me, Dedalus Diggle on the other side . . . That's Marlene McKinnon, she was killed two weeks after this was taken, they got her whole family. That's Frank and Alice Longbottom – "**

** Harry's stomach, already uncomfortable, clenched as he looked at Alice Longbottom; he knew her round, friendly face very well, even though he had never met her, because she was the image of her son, Neville.**

** "Poor devils," growled Moody. "Better dead than what happened to them . . . and that's Emmeline Vance, you've met her, and that there's Lupin, obviously . . . Benjy Fenwick, he copped it too, we only ever found bits of him . . . shift aside there," he added, poking the picture, and the little photographic people edged sideways, so that those who were partially obscured could move to the front.**

** "That's Edgar Bones . . . brother of Amelia Bones, they got him and his family too, he was a great wizard . . . Sturgis Podmore, blimey, he looks young . . . Caradoc Dearborn, vanished six months after this, we never found his body . . . Hagrid, of course, looks exactly the same as ever . . . Elphias Doge, you've met him, I'd forgotten he used to wear that stupid hat . . . Gideon Prewett, it took five Death Eaters to kill him and his brother Fabian, they fought like heroes . . . budge along, budge along . . ."**

** The little people in the photograph jostled among themselves, and those hidden right at the back appeared at the forefront of the picture.**

** "That's Dumbledore's brother, Aberforth, only time I ever met him, strange bloke . . . That's Dorcus Meadowes, Voldemort killed her personally . . . Sirius, when he still had short hair . . . and . . . there you go thought that would interest you!"**

** Harry's heart turned over. His mother and father were beaming up at him, sitting on either side of a small, watery-eyed man Harry recognized at once as Wormtail. He was the one who had betrayed their whereabouts to Voldemort and so helped bring about their deaths.**

** "Eh?" said Moody, **"And there's Valiant Ronet next to your mother, of course back then she was Vilat Sine. She still looks the same, great witch she is, never seen a girl so talented as her and your mother. Always together those two . . ."

. . .

The Night Before…

He traces his cold hand across my thigh. I suppress a shiver. He kisses roughly at my neck and collar bones. I want to be anywhere but there. I want someone else looming above me than this monster with no soul. I moan lightly as he touches me. I have to pretend to enjoy it. At least until it's over.

"My Amante," he whispers against my neck. I want to pull away. I want to run. He has a firm grip on my thighs and he pries them apart. His erection is against my wetness, and he plunges in. I gasp and arch my back at the feeling of him inside me, even like this he can turn me on. He moves against me roughly and I hold onto him for dear life. He's rough and distant but he wasn't always like this, he used to be gentle and kind before the dark magic consumed him. He continues to hit that sweet spot within me and I am mewling like a beast out of control.

"_Remus_," the name rolls off my tongue and I know my mistake the minute it hangs in the air. I might have said it too low for Tom to hear but he stops nonetheless.

"What did you say?" he asks. I mask my fear and smile lovingly at him.

"_More_," I say. He smiles back at me almost viciously and he starts ramming into me. It hurts but the quelling pain lets me forget everything for just those brief moments. Soon he is cumming inside me and he lies on top of me, exhausted. He rolls over on the bed and brings the covers over himself. I sit up in bed and look at him, he's sound asleep. I stand up and go to the bathroom. I clean myself and take a long hot bath. I haven't seen Remus since the day of Harry's hearing, I haven't been able to go to any of the Order meetings since then. He's frequent in my dreams and I fear that I may say his name in sleep, for I am known as a sleep talker. I miss him with a fierce passion. I want him here with me, not the monster that lies in the next room. He has no love left in him, no soul, or heart. He couldn't love me if his life depended on it. I scratch at my Dark Mark and can feel a slight pain in my shoulder. I hold onto my stomach missing the feel of the twins inside me. I miss them so much. I probably have letters from mother back at Alex's house but I haven't been able to go there either. I return in the morning to gather my stuff and catch the Hogwarts Express.

"Amante?" I can hear Tom call out. He opens the door and smiles at me. "Sore?"

"Yes, my lord," I say smiling at him. I trace patterns along my exposed calf and he sits down beside the tub.

"You know what you must do, then?" he asks. I frown and look down at my legs.

"Yes, my lord. Befriend him, watch his movements," I say looking up at him, "We've been through this."

"I know but you'll be surrounded by Draco and his cronies, you'll have to do it in secret. I don't want the Death Eaters to know what I have assigned you. They won't be as understanding. I need him, but not now. When the time is right and you will help me do that," he says. I smile a small smile and then caress his face. Droplets of water rain down on his night clothes.

"Yes, my lord," I say. He leans in to kiss me and I bow into his touch.

. . .

"I'm home!" I call as I close the door behind me. It's five o'clock in the morning and I don't expect Alex to be up. I carry my bag in and up the stairs to my room. It's our town house in London. Alex returns to Hogsmeade within the week. I peek into his room and see that he's asleep. I smile to myself and head downstairs to start breakfast. If me yelling won't wake him up, food will. Bacon is on the frying pan and I'm mixing the pancake batter when Alex comes into the kitchen. "Hey sleepy head."

"You should have owled and told me you were coming in I would have done this," he says giving me a brief hug. I smile and look back at him as he sits at the dining table.

"Tom won't let me owl anyone, even home. He said that 'there should be no need for me to owl home, it's my home'," I say taking out another frying pan for the pancakes.

"I swear he's just as strict as Dumbledore, we have to leave in a couple of hours, right? You've got to catch the train," he says. I smile and nod.

"Yupp, back to Hogwarts," I sigh.

"Have you talked to Remus?" Alex asks suddenly. I nearly flinch but I shrug as I pour pancake batter into the pan.

"Not since Harry's hearing," I say. Alex gets up and leaves the room only to come back with a stack of letters.

"Your mail," he says. I'm stunned as I take the pile of letters. "Here, let me do that." Alex takes over making breakfast as I sit at the table. Most of them are from Remus, a couple of them from mum which are already open.

"Reading my mail?" I ask. Alex looks back at me as he flips the pancakes.

"Just making sure everything is okay with twins, you were gone for so long I was afraid something might've happened over there and we wouldn't know because you're not here to open your mail," he says. I scoff and look over the opened mail. My mum talks about the twins and how they are learning fast, she says they miss their mama. It only makes me want to cry. She encloses a picture of the twins, cooing and smiling. I hold the picture to my chest and look at Alex.

"I miss them so much," I say. Alex looks at me and nods.

"I know," he simply says. I turn to the five letters from Remus and open them according to date.

Valiant,

You have no idea of the joy I felt yesterday at Headquarters when you told me you still love me. I was afraid that you would have hated me for giving you up. But you see I haven't given up at all, I'm just waiting for you. And I always will wait for you.

Love,

Remus

I smile and giggle at the letter. I want nothing more than to be in his arms again. To listen to his jokes and the way he talks about books and spells. I want to hear his voice again.

Valiant,

I expect you are busy with…him. I really wish you'd write me back I need to know how you feel after the other day. I need…confirmation that I am what you want. Molly has been asking me incessantly about you. How long have I known you? What do I think of you? I think she suspects there is something between us. Not that I blame her she's always looking out for me.

Love,

Remus

I can't help but giggle at the mention of Molly Weasley. I miss her cooking and the motherly aura about her. I want to go to Headquarters now but I know I can't. I'm supposed to be meeting Lucius and Draco at the train station. I'm supposed to be acting the part of a Slytherin. I sigh and open the next letter.

Valiant,

Okay, now I'm worried. He isn't overworking you, is he? Sirius and Dumbledore won't tell me anything about your endeavors and it's starting to rattle me a bit. I miss you, I want to see you. I love you.

Love,

Remus

Alex puts a plate in front of me of bacon, pancakes, and eggs. I smile up at him and pour syrup over my pancakes.

"Can you get me a parchment and quill?" I ask him. He nods and leaves the room. I open the next letter.

Valiant,

I hope you aren't having second thoughts about us. I need you and I want you. I need you to know that. Dumbledore has me on various assignments and I don't know when the next time I can see you. I hate the thought of you being with … him. It makes my blood boil. I love you.

Love,

Remus

I frown and open the next letter.

Valiant,

I love you.

Remus

Alex hands me a parchment and a quill and I instantly start writing out my letter to Remus.

"Maybe you should write to your mother as well?" Alex says, I notice that there are two pieces of parchment; I nod to him as he sits down with a plate in front of him.

Remus,

I am so sorry for the late reply. I've been so busy at Tom's side that I haven't gone home until this morning. I hope you can forgive me. I do not and will not second guess my decision of us. I love you, with all my heart and I need you. I know the thought of me with Tom must be hard for you but please don't think about it. Busy yourself, but don't overwork yourself. And to the mention of seeing me, I don't think there is going to be any safe time to see each other. Draco is supposed to watch over me like a hawk, per Lucius's orders from the Dark Lord. But I am to befriend Harry and tell all I can to the Dark Lord. Dumbledore has yet to give me orders. I love you.

Valiant

. . .

"I see you've made it safely," Lucius says as I approach him, Draco, and Narcissa. I smile kindly and watch as Alex hitches my trunk onto the train. "Who's he?"

"Just someone helping me," I say. Lucius looks suspiciously at Alex. I pretend to thank him and he joins the crowd.

"Okay, on you go, both of you on the train," Lucius says. I follow Draco onto the train and into a compartment with the rest of his gang. I sit by the window and watch the crowd. Then I see them, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, the woman Tonks, Moody, Sirius in his Animagus form, and Remus. I can't peel my eyes away from them. Tonks looks briefly up and sees me. She whispers to Remus who looks at me and smiles. I look away with a disinterested glare and instantly regret it. The train starts to move and Draco is talking to Goyle, Crabbe, and Parkinson in hushed voices. Stuff about prefects and such. Soon Draco leaves with Parkinson and I'm left with Goyle and Crabbe. I stand up and so do they. I stare at them.

"Are you going to follow me everywhere or can I go to the ladies?" I ask. They both sit down instantly as I get out of the compartment. I had no intention of going to the Ladies room instead I just walk idly across the train. It's been what feels like hours but must have been in fact only thirty minutes for I run into Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle walking towards me.

"And where did you go?" Draco asks coldly. I frown and scoff.

"None of your business Malfoy," I say. He grabs onto my wrist and yanks me towards him.

"I'm supposed to watch you," he says in my face. He yanks me to stand behind him, Crabbe and Goyle on either side of me. I frown and follow them as they walk along the train.

Draco turned through an open compartment, as I followed I see just why he turned. For in the compartment are Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Luna Lovegood, Neville Longbottom, and Harry. I frown and hide my surprise.

**"What?" **Harry says almost aggressively before Draco could say anything. I wanted nothing more than to sit with them and tell them everything but I know I can't, not now.

**"Manners, Potter, or I'll have to give you detention," drawled Malfoy, whose sleek blond hair and pointed chin were just like his father's. "You see I, unlike you, have been made a prefect, which means that I, unlike you, have the power to hand out punishments."**

** "Yeah," said Harry, "but you, unlike me, are a git, so get out and leave us alone."**

** Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Neville laughed. Malfoy's lip curled.**

** "Tell me, how does it feel being second-best to Weasley, Potter?" he asked.**

** "Shut up, Malfoy," said Hermione sharply.**

** "I seem to have touched a nerve," said Malfoy smirking. "Well, just watch yourself, Potter, because I'll be **_**dogging**_** your footsteps in case you step out of line." **His last comment sets my nerves on edge. Did he just say what I think he said? I look at Harry and watch as he too seems to be contemplating the same thing. I give them a pleading look and follow Draco out.

"Can I see my friends?" I ask coldly. Malfoy looks at me and the compartment where Rillian and Helena sit. He nods and walks on. I open the compartment, met with hugs and questions. But the fact that Draco might have noticed Sirius is still on my mind.

. . .

A/N: So there is chapter 4, sorry for the long wait but this one was a long chapter! xx

-Angel Brown


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